Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
