Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
