you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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