my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
