you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize