I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
