12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
