if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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