Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
