i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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