Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
