last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize