Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So squirting runs in the family.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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