i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
