Screwed.edu
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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