I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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