Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
