yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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