i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im part way to drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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