I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fuck appropriateness.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
