conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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