Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
