Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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