Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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