"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i love accidental penises.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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