Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i love accidental penises.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize