so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
