yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize