they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
