I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I want is dick and wine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
