my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
