Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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