You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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