the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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