cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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