she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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