Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
