You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
