SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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