Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
