i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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