I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
