I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
