Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
