I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
