So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
