ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
