I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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