he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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