so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
