I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
