you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
