the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
