The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
