Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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