I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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