I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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