Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
whose parrot is this?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
