i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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