Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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