Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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