Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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