You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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