the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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