which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
