My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
