census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
