I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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